I’ve been quiet lately. I haven’t made my regular Monday & Thursday posting on the blog and I haven’t even been writing bits and pieces on my phone. Usually, even when the blog is quiet, I’m still writing things. I’m just not sharing them. Lately, however, there’s been nothing. Zilch.
It’s Monday and I simultaneously feel excited for the week that’s ahead and unwavering dread. Most of all though, I feel unsettled. I feel uneasy and as if something is missing. I recognize this feeling and know it well. I need to write.
I feel this often when I’ve stayed quiet for too long. I need to get things out. This feeling doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something burdensome that I need to get off my chest. It just means I need to string words together on a page, even if they don’t equal something insightful and impactful. I just need to use my words.
The struggle I often have with this feeling is how to use them when it doesn’t seem like they’re there. My lack of writing lately isn’t from a lack of time, etc. It’s because I haven’t felt like I had anything to say. Most of the time, my mind creates sentences and stories, even when I’m not trying to. I take one simple thought and it’ll suddenly become a paragraph. With a little effort, I add a few more. And yet when these dry spells come along, that initial thought is missing. I lack inspiration and I don’t generate that initial fragment that leads me to a story of some sort. And yet, suddenly I feel that feeling.
That feeling can be likened to oppression. It feels like I’ve been held back or restrained and I’ve suddenly had too much. Sometimes it feels as if something might actually burst out of me, like I might explode. I can’t take it any more. I must write.
So what do you do when that feeling strikes, you know you must write something, and yet you still don’t have the words? Your mind feels loud and quiet at the same time. It’s as if there a still hum there and also a loud roar. The quietness and the roar conflict with one another and you can’t tell which is more prevalent. When I feel this battle in my mind, I listen. I sit down and write.
That’s what I’m doing today and it does bring a bit of relief. Still, though, there’s a hum and a roar. There’s more to be said. There are stories to tell and perspectives to share. While I still don’t have enough words to fully ease the discontentment within, I know it’s a start. I know that sitting down to write something – anything – when that inspiration is absent, will lead to the rebirth of my words. Eventually this dry spell will pass. I’ll write and write, seeming to not be able to get words on the page fast enough. For now, I’ll just write something, even if it’s simply about not writing.